“…And honestly, to look you in the eye, it’s easier to lie…”

Day 5
A photo of yourself two years ago.

Mi Familia (circa 2009)

I typically avoid spending a lot of time looking at pictures of myself.

Not that I have a problem with myself, it’s just that I don’t recognize myself in these photos.

Wait. Let me explain before you call me a psychiatrist.

I find this hard to look at.

Most women I know have their own mental picture of themselves.

Most women have a skewed mental picture. Most of them assume they are fatter or uglier than they really are.

I feel like I have the opposite problem, which is just as damaging to self-esteem.

My mental picture of myself is an attractive, well-proportioned, sensible woman.

And when I see pictures of myself, or even when I look in the mirror, I don’t recognize the woman I see.

In fact, I kinda hate her.

May 2009

Clearly the impostor in the mirror isn’t me. I’m not that round. (Read: Fluffy, grand, rotund, or any of the other euphemisms for ‘FAT’)

I’m not that tired.

I’m not that sad, right?

I think this probably qualifies as a form of lying to yourself.

And I’m good at lying to myself.

But, I’m learning to be honest.

Which is why this shrewd way I’ve learned to look at myself has helped me try and make a change.

I’m unhappy with my body, so I’m starting to exercise. I’m eating healthy.

I’m trying to bring back the light to my eyes. I am filling my life with things that make me happy.

And, I think it’s working.

Harry Potter Premier 2010

~*Post Title from “Easier To Lie” by Aqualung.

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